I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
