The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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