SEEEEXXX PLEASE
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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