Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Im part way to drunk.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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