these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
