you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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