Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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