Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
