Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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