I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize