So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
