I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Two words: blizzard sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
