Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
