My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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