MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
