It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
