this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
