why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
