I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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