My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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