it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
