I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
