I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Randomize
