i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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