I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
