I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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