My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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