Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
