just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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