Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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