i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
