do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
