he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
