i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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