where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
