he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
