just survived the first fart of the relationship.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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