You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
