how can u be prego again
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
