I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
