I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize