someone get that fucking seahorse.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
