I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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