Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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