Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
