Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
