she looked like the before picture.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
