i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
