i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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