so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
