i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
