Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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