I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Randomize
