I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
