yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
