Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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