Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
