OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
