If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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