My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
