How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
