told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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