You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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