I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
