and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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